Am I Crazy

Thats a question I been wondering for the last couple days. I'm not talking bout playing around crazy,
I mean like is something mentally wrong with me. A couple screws are lose, not wrapped to tight, been dropped on my head too many times that's the kind of crazy I'm talking about.

Many of my friends tell me I'm crazy because I act wild and goofy sometimes. But they do not know what goes on in my brain. Stuff that I wouldnt share with people 'cus they would not understand.

Let me give an some examples. Like I do consider myself a dreamer, I dream a lot. I prolly spend like 70% of my day just day dreamin', whether its for hours or jus for a few minutes or a couple seconds. I live in my head. Sometimes I find myself creating an alter universe, a fantasy world in my head where all my dreams come true. All that i wished upon a star is available to me in my alter world. Its like when im dreamin' everything is soo perfect their is nothing wrong with life at all. I have all that ask for complete happiness, bliss, and "that" girl of my dreams.

I find myself slipping into this dream world a lot, and I love it their. Its a care free world. Does this makes me Crazy? Who wouldn't want to live in their own dream world, to escape the harsh realities of life the depression, the sadness, the loneliness, and the emptiness. In my dream world these negative things about life does not exsist. I guess this place is jus my own personal utopia, a place for me to reside when i do not want to deal with a reality where i can escape my past and the present, a place where me and "her" can bask in joy endlessly.

In my darkest hours i jus wish I could realli live in this false place and I find myself to grow depressed when I realized that this place onli exist in my dreams and I will never reach this utopia.
Does this make me crazy??

Fear

Fear...What is fear? How is fear instilled within you. Are humans born with Fear? What exactly are things people fear the most?

Wikipedia says:
"Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. Fear should be distinguished from anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.^[1] Fear is often connected to pain (e.g. some fear heights because if they fall, they may suffer severe injury or even die upon landing). Many theorists, such as Watson and Ekman, have suggested that fear is one of several basic, innate emotions (e.g. joy and anger). Fear is a survival mechanism, and usually occurs in response to a specific negative stimulus. "

What I fear the most does not hurt me physically, it does not cause me death nor harm.
But what I do fear the most do cause me a great loss. I fear not being successful in life as a whole.
As humans we are brought upon the values that we were placed on this earth for a reason and everybody has their own reason for being on earth, but what about the people who do nothing with their life. They differ greatly than the people who perform heart surgery.

In the next couple years how will my individual life effect the world or will my life be meaningless. Everybody wants to feel that they are needed and wanted. Everybody wants to feel like they mean something but this only happens by being successful. Now honestly everybody can not be successful...life is not that far. Sometimes certain obstacles are placed in your life just so you cant be successful. Am I one of those people?

My biggest goal is to go to film school and become a movie editor and director. But am I equipped with the right tools to do so?....

-To be Continued